Edible undies heat things up in the boudoir
By Max Phillips & Carlene Peterson • Originally published in Buffalo Current
FOOD FIGHT!
Each week, we sample a specific item from three area restaurants
THE ITEM
EDIBLE PANTIES
Screw Hershey. This Valentine’s Day is all about eating out with your lover — underwear and all.
THE JUDGES
MAX PHILLIPS
WHAT I LIKE: Anything saucy or creamy. Homemade turkey pot pie. YUM! Beef burgundy. YOW-ZA!
WHAT I HATE: CONDIMENTS. Oh my God, Becky! Keep that ketchup away from me. And anything in brine? Mmm, I don’t think so.
CARLENE PETERSON
WHAT I LIKE: A night of fine dining in a slinky cocktail dress is nice, but give me the choice and I’ll go for the chili dog dripping with cheese.
WHAT I HATE: Having to order wine. Just gimme something sweet and chilled.
SPENCER GIFTS
WHAT: Heart-shaped Chocolate Thong
WHERE: Galleria Mall
PRICE: $9.99
MAX: OK, I’m a big chocolate fan. And this was decent chocolate. But this was nothing more than a chocolate heart with some elastic attached to it. And let me tell you, it doesn’t cover much. Yummy, chocolate treat? You bet. Bedroom play-toy? I think not.
CARLENE: The directions say to let it melt on your body. Call me a prude, but a gooey, brown substance smeared on the girliest of all regions is not exactly a turn on. True, the chocolate was yummy, but once it’s gone you’ve got a non-edible string interfering with business.
FREDERICK’S OF HOLLYWOOD
WHAT: Edible Undies (included in the Private Party Kit)
WHERE: Galleria Mall
PRICE: $14.00
MAX: I have one word: YECH! They tasted like strawberry-scented plastic and looked way to clinical. A total turn-off. Add to that the $14.00 we had to spend for the lame “kit” and I actually felt insulted.
CARLENE: The panties looked, tasted and felt like a dental dam. If you’re using a dental dam while introducing your girlfriend to Big Red, skip it. If your honey doesn’t complain about swallowing a big, slimy load of your genetics, then reciprocate.
HOT TOPIC
WHAT: Candy G-string
WHERE: Galleria Mall
PRICE: $9.99
MAX: Wow, way too fun! This thong is made of the same stuff as those classic candy necklaces you remember as a kid. Who can resist a candy necklace, let alone an entire thong? This naughty treat will actually take you to candy land and back.
CARLENE: Can I just point out one thing here? You have to use your entire jaw to crack these sweets, and a hard nibble in the wrong spot can earn you a swift kick out of bed. Keep your teeth marks on the thong, not your partner.
THE VERDICT
MAX: HOT TOPIC wins, hands down, with their candy thong. I may love chocolate, but the fun factor definitely swayed me on this one.
CARLENE: I have to agree. HOT TOPIC’s edible wear might be treacherous, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Now where did I leave my licorice hand- cuffs?
PHOTOS BY JAYNE BURKE